Welcome Back To Heart of a Phighter Chris Jericho vs. “Rowdy” Roddy Piper, Ricky “The Dragon” Steamboat, Jimmy “Superfly” Snuka with Ric Flair and Mickey Rourke (Jericho must beat all three competitors to win, the three are allowed to tag in and out, even if eliminated, I think. ) This match has a huge glass ceiling over it. Chris Jericho isn’t exactly the best wrestler on the roster, and when was the last time his three opponents really wrestled? I mean, Piper was wrestling in 2005 and 2006 I believe, but what about Steamboat and Snuka? I’m not talking about a quick finisher and gone. I can really see Jericho knocking off two of the legends, and then Rourke or Flair distracting him, causing him to lose. By the way – The Wrestler was so not deserving of this storyline. Rourke wasn’t either. Jericho, on Monday, said that Rourke saying he would fight him at ‘Mania and then backing down is the reason this is happening. If you didn’t see The Wrestler, it’s not really worth the critical acclaims, to make it short and sweet. Moving on. May talk about this next week. Winners: Legends 25 Diva Battle Royal This is what they do with the Playboy match? Replace it with twenty-three more lovely ladies? I’m digging it. I just really hope they pull it off, and they’re wearing something that actually looks good on them. As for the wrestling. . . I really hope they do this right with the wrestling, as if we just see a bunch of stupid moves the married marks of the world will hate this match. By the way, I am for Santino being in this match, especially after I lost my dinner due to his mankini. I hope I never have to try to spell that word again. Let me go wash my hands. My pick is. . . . Winner: Trish Stratus CM Punk vs. Mark Henry vs. Kane vs. Shelton Benjamin vs. Christian vs. Kofi Kingston vs. United States Champion MVP vs. Finlay (Money in the Bank Ladder Match) Since it started, MITBs have gone from good to bad to good to bad to. . . . this is a “good year”. Now, I argue WM24 was bad because Shelton’s ladder flip thing was a bit lame, and a bit oversold by both Shelty and Carlito. Morrison’s Ladder Moonsault didn’t really hit its mark, otherwise it would been awesome. Anyway, let’s play why you shouldn’t win. Big Drippy should not win. Mark puts me to sleep. Shelty should not win. They say he’s underrated, I say he’s overrated. He doesn’t even have a character to him, he’s more like a jock who tries to say tough things. CM Punk should not win. I don’t believe we should have somebody go back to back, winning Money in the Bank. Plus, well, his reign sucked, which wasn’t really all his fault, but it still sucked. Finlay should not win because of the Human Kickstand (Hornswoggle). I cannot tell you how much I hate the little person. Kane should not win because he’s been a bit dominant the Road to Wrestlemania and that would be too predictable. This is where I get stuck. Kofi Kingston, Christian, and MVP all make great MITB winners. Heck, I can even see Kofi vs. Edge or Christian vs. Edge. But I’m picking MVP here, because they’re really pushing him, and his title reign would actually draw some ratings. Winner: MVP Intercontinental Champion John Bradshaw Layfield (JBL) vs. Rey Mysterio (Intercontinental Championship Match) This match opens up WrestleMania, so it really does depend on what tune they want to kick off ‘Mania with. They could choose to entertain the Marks or the Kids. Or, they could get it right, and manage to entertain both by giving these guys the at least fifteen minutes they need to make this a three star match. Give them a half hour and they’ll provide you with a good match. They can still go. With Rey Mysterio winning on RAW, I think we’re going to have a countered 619 into a Clothesline From Hell. Winner (and STILL Champion): JBL Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy (Extreme Rules) I’m going to make a big statement right here, so listen up: I think this match could be better than Mick Foley vs. Edge at WM22. Now, this match needs to have its moments, like Foley vs. Edge. Remember Edge hitting a spear on Foley and then Edge’s arm bleeding because Foley was wearing barbed wire? Remember the flaming table spear? Honestly, we’re going to see two different styles of weapon shots. We’re going to see Jeff’s classic “Caution to the Wind” entertainment weapon shots, and we’re going to see simply violent weapon shots from Matt. This match, if not accompanied with another match at Backlash, could be used to repush Jeff for a Championship or establish Matt. As much as I would like to have Matt established as a heel on Smackdown. . . . Winner: Jeff Hardy WWE Tag Team Champions Carlito and Primo Colon vs. World Tag Team Champions John Morrison and The Miz (Tag Team Title Unification Lumberjack Match) We’ve been watching these matches for a while now. The Lumberjacks take away from the match, but I like this match up. I do think that the winners of this match should get some television kisses from the Bella Twins, though. Because honestly, this is what this rivalry basically started under. This could not be a smarter move by WWE, unifying the championships, however. I’m looking forward to the tag team championships traveling around for a valid reason. The problem is. . . The Colons (can’t find that accent mark) are going to win because of the LumberJacks. Possible distraction to Backstabber. Sigh. Here’s hope for the other team, though. Winners and NEW Tag Team Champions: The Colons Triple H vs. Randy Orton (WWE Championship Match) Yeah, I bet you forgot Orton won the Rumble. I bet you forgot that Triple H was the last eliminated in that Rumble, too. It’s kind of scary how far ahead WWE plans without letting any of us understand how long the storyline has gone until the week before WrestleMania. Let me talk about Legacy, for a minute. Besides their t-shirts, they suck, plain and simple. We’ve had “break your neck” Triple H instead of funny man Triple H, and I hope he actually stays this way. That’s the problem with Triple H, as he makes too drastic of a change. Honestly, WWE’s acknowledgement of the marks came as a slight surprise, and then as a “Who really cares?” to me. With the “I’m surrounded by Marks” sign removed from the crowd, I think it is too early to form an opinion on whether or not WWE is really caring to acknowledge the marks with their storylines more. Look at the violence in this storyline. Man-on-woman violence and home invasion are just two pieces put into this storyline that I wouldn’t exactly be wanting a six year old to watch. We also have punting our authority figures in the head, to top it off. Now, I know six year olds aren’t really on WWE’s demographics, but what are the kids who are? Eight maybe? Anyway, Orton’s going to win this match. Team Priceless will take the gold off of The Colons, and we’ll have a golden stable who is really quite undeserving of their gold. Well, except for Randy Orton. Randy Orton is an actor, ladies and gentlemen. John Cena is not. I would much rather see Orton in 12 Rounds than Cena. I know we’re going to see a Orton vs. HHH WWE Championship Hell in a Cell Match, though. I can just tell. Winner and NEW WWE Champion: Randy Orton World Heavyweight Champion Edge vs. Big Show vs. John Cena (World Heavyweight Championship Match) (If Edge or Big Show wins, they win Vickie’s heart too) Okay, let me say that I haven’t been more disgusted with ANYTHING I’ve watched on television than Big Show and Vickie kissing. First off, I think it’s sad that they’ve cast Vickie as the love interest. Really, now? Every diva on the roster looks better than her. I’m not saying personality won’t get you far, but Edge moving from Lita to Vickie is a severe downgrade. Am I the only one who thinks Big Show should have been in MITB instead of this story? He really seems out of place, here. I don’t understand why. Oh, here’s why. Edge vs. Cena has been a “New WWE-Era” classic almost every time it’s had an actual ending to it. From Edge winning the WWE Championship after the Elimination Chamber from John Cena by cashing in Money in the Bank to everything after that, they’ve all been great. With Big Show in there, I’m kind of tempted to say “Big Show will win the World Heavy” but I can’t just type out. You might be able to, I’m not, because if this is as short as two months ago, I’m laughing at that. But looking at Cena as World Heavyweight Champion, I see a sight that I’ve seen too much. I’m not the biggest fan of Cena, and I’m not the biggest mark of him, either. But I really don’t want Cena holding the championship again. By the way, what happened to long championship reigns that weren’t Cena’s or Triple H’s? This is a coin flip, to be honest. On one side, you have some more Big Show vs. Edge feuding, which could be great. On the other side, you have a more logical set of thoughts and a typical champion that the kids love. On the third side (apparently this is a triangular coin?) you have more Big Show vs. Edge feuding. Since I only have a two sided coin, I’ll let you know who wins in a best of three. Winner and NEW World Heavyweight Champion: Big Show Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels (Streak Match) I put this match last, because this match interests the most people. Ever since the Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels at the Royal Rumble during the Road to Wrestlemania 23, people have been wanting to see this match. If I’m going to remember something from this rivalry, I’ll remember one of the few times in recent history Shawn Michaels didn’t come to the ring to the D-Generation X or Sexy Boy music. Instead, he dressed as the white Undertaker, which I thought was cool looking. Kind of creepy, but cool looking. At the end of that, Undertaker came out from under the ring by just popping in to the segment. He attempted to chokeslam Shawn Michaels, but failed, leading us to believe that Michaels may have an upper-hand in the WrestleMania match. But really, this has been WWE’s attempt every year. From Mark Henry talking about injuring the Undertaker in the first place to Batista saying he wasn’t afraid to Edge having a posse and one of the best WrestleMania segments I’ve ever seen, WWE has tried to make us think that Undertaker’s opponent as had a decent shot of beating the Undertaker. I mean, during the match they’ve done that too. From Undertaker getting RKOed to World’s Sweatiest Slammed to Batista Bombed to Speared, these are the moments that made me believe that we could be witnessing that first loss. Especially the spear. Remember that? Edge in the corner. . . spear! Oh my goodness, he’s done – “Hell’s Gate! Hell’s Gate!” I am refusing to believe that Shawn Michaels will win this match because the Streak is to WrestleMania as Tiger Woods is to American golf. You don’t have it, the show’s not as good. Or The Streak is to Wrestlemania as Cream is to an Oreo cookie. The Streak is to Wrestlemania as is dip (or fish) is to chips. Winner: Undertaker That’s all for now, I’ll be back next week though with some more thoughts.