1/27/2009 Pre-show run-through: Well, I figure why not use the pre-show white space to rant a bit about happenings outside of ECW? -Randy Orton wins the Royal Rumble. Excellent stuff. It honestly wasn’t nearly as exciting as last year’s Rumble. I blame that on two things. One, they had way too many guys in the ring at the same time for the majority of the match. I feel to keep things interesting there should NEVER be more than a dozen guys active in the Rumble. They went well past that for a long stretch. Two, they didn’t have a Rumble anchor. That guy who’s flying around for 45 minutes taking bumps and being awesome. HBK is a great candidate who has done it in the past; last year it was my boy John Morrison, and frankly it should have been Morrison again, but he lasted only 19 minutes and didn’t get to do much. Rey Mysterio lasted a while and had his moments, but he wasn’t quite the big-time anchor I was looking for. The Rumble did have two redeeming qualities. . . the RVD surprise cameo and the awesome RKO buffet. Randy Orton is, honest to god, becoming one of my favorite wrestlers, which is amazing considering that barely two years ago there was not a guy in the WWE I thought was more overrated. Y’know, I think next week I’ll put together an actual list of my favorite wrestlers. Tune in for that. -Jack SWAGGA still the champ. Not surprising, though it’s a bit sad Matt Hardy will be leaving the brand now. My problem is they’re more than willing to raid ECW for talent for the other two brands (see: Bourne, Miz n’ Morrison), but never toss the C show a bone in return outside the draft, which also usually ends up with ECW shafted. Anyways, here’s to the Swagger era. (opening video) GM Teddy Long is here with his still awesome music. We’re coming off a historic “Rawl Rumble” pay per view. Rumble video package. It’s funny that they used the phrase “guaranteed a championship match” at Mania, considering we’re just eleven months removed from the No Way Out debacle with Cena and Orton. Anyways, the video package turns to an emphasis on the Jeff/Edge match, and the debut of Evil Matt Hardy. Teddy confirms that Matt Hardy will be making the jump from ECW to Smackdown. Teddy says we’ve got a great show tonight, because the Boogeyman is in action. Words cannot describe how funny that was to me. Jack SWAGGA! is here. Haha, I’m becoming quite the Swagger mark. He won’t be on next week’s top ten list, but he’s definitely making headway towards it. Jack says Teddy’s right, tonight will be a great show because he is champion. And tonight, he will have an official championship celebration. Watch out for Crazy Mariachis, Jack! Boogeyman enters for his match, up next, and Swagga is all “later, punk. “ (ads) Boogeyman is in the ring. Ricky Ortiz enters to say Boogey doesn’t have to eat worms to get people to like him. Just learn to wrestle. Okay, I added that last part. Ricky’s solution is a rally towel. Boogeyman does not approve. He punches Ricky and clotheslines him to the outside, and Ricky leaves. Apparently this was “the Boogeyman in action”, as these two were supposed to have a match but Ricky bailed. Now that was confusing. Did Ortiz just turn heel? If so, why? If not, what was the point of this segment? Backstage, Jack SWAGGA informs Teddy Long that he has lost the ECW championship in the last five minutes. Way to take care of your aluminum belt, Jack. I’m just saying in advance here, if it turns out that Hornswoggle stole it I am giving this show an F, right away. Teddy tells Jack to ask Tiffany for help. (ads) Promo for the Elimination Chambers at No Way Out. Paul Burchill vs. Finlay Finlay works a side headlock and shoulder block. European uppercut and stomp to the groin, then a crossface and more uppercuts. Finlay nails an elbow to the face and Burchill finally fights back with a kick, clothesline, and knee drop. Paul hits a corner clothesline and locks in a headlock (Finlay’s pained facial expression is epic here). When Fit gets out, another clothesline for Burchill and he goes to a neck wrench. Burchill whips Finlay to the corner and lands a knee in his back. Midget shenanigans time, as Horny harasses Katie Lea. Paul chases him as he disappears under the ring, which allows Finlay to nail a baseball slide dropkick. Finlay hits clotheslines, the seated senton, and the great ~FINLAY ROLL! He nails a back body drop and finishes with the Celtic Cross. Winner: Finlay by Celtic Cross @ 4:35 Naturally, if there was good to be found in this match it was thanks to Finlay, not that boring stiff Burchill. And it was okay. It wasn’t a great match, but it was a Finlay match which equals at least okay in my book. They also resisted the temptation to have Finlay get the squash in two minutes, which I appreciate. Four and a half minutes wasn’t ideal (I’d have liked six for this particular matchup), but it is a hell of a lot better than the 2:40 I was kind of expecting. And like I’ve said before, can we PLEASE give Burchill some offense that doesn’t look like he’s in week three of Hulk Hogan’s Celebrity Championship Wrestling? I’m pretty sure if he could hit the C-4, he can do a little better than clotheslines and a headlock. Match Rating: 4. 9/10 Backstage, Ricky Ortiz complains to Tiffany about how Boogeyman is a jerk. Jack Swagger interrupts to demand her help in an awesomely arrogant way. (ads) A look at Cena’s 12 Rounds. I laughed when I saw the trailer, because it honestly looks like a slightly more interesting exact copy of The Marine. Backstage, Big Drippy and Tony Atlas are walking. Jack Swagger asks if they’ve seen his title. Drippy gives him attitude (Drippy on the mic is still awesome, BTW) and leaves. RAW Is Orton recap. You know, I love Shane-O more than the average guy, but even I had a hard time buying him (a non-wrestler with graying hair) pounding the crap out of three young, strapping “future/present of the business” wrestlers. The segment was still worth it, though, just for “FIRE ME! FIRE ME NOW! COME ON!” (ads) Big Drippy vs. Tommy Dreamer Hmm, no Evil Colin Delaney around to mess Tommy up this time. Striker corrects Grisham’s grammar. The crowd is really into Dreamer. Henry pushes him around a bit, then misses a corner charge. Dreamer tries a schoolboy, but Henry just sits on his arm, then slams it on the mat. Striker is really going kamikaze on the smark references this match, he’s already name-dropped Johnny Rodz, Bill DeMott, and Stu Hart/The Dungeon. Hammerlock throw into the turnbuckle, and a headbutt. Henry locks in the dreaded wristlock. Dreamer gets out but eats body block. More wristlock, which is a boring move but this is actually a pretty good rendition of it. Henry hits an armdrag and goes into a hammerlock. He headbutts the arm while doing it, which is a nice touch. Dreamer finally hits a jawbreaker, but by now he’s spent. Striker talks about going to a movie with Drippy. Tremendous. Henry hits a scoop slam but misses an elbow drop. Dreamer with a running dropkick, big boot, and second-rope clothesline. Atlas with the distraction, but to no avail as Dreamer lays some dropkicks into Henry’s knee, setting up for the E-C-W Dropkick! Dreamer comes off the second rope but gets caught, World’s Wettest Slam and we’re done! Winner: Big Drippy by World’s Wettest Slam @ 5:28 Honestly, I didn’t expect much from these two. Dreamer is better against smaller guys. Drippy, likewise, with the added perk of being bad against them too. However, they worked around their athleticism limitations, incorporated submissions/Dreamer’s arm injury nicely, and they actually had me thinking Dreamer might win (given his speech two weeks ago). So this was a more-than-passable midcard match. Match Rating: 6. 3/10 Backstage, Jack and Tiffany bug Teddy some more for help. He decides if they go to the ring, the title might magically appear. (ads) In the ring, Teddy says he feels like a third-grade teacher, and says the joke is over. The thief should bring it out now, and no harm will come to him. Swagga says it is lame, and says he wants it back now. Cue Hornswoggle’s music. Finlay is out with a mic, he says give him a second, and pulls Hornswoggle w/ belt out from under the ring. This segment is 100% fail. Finlay asks Hornswoggle to apologize, which naturally leads to “AH! AH! AAAAAHH!” Correction. This segment is now 200% fail. Swagger calls him an ogre and says Finlay must have put him up to this. Finlay denies it; if he wanted the title he’d just win it. “The only thing worse than your chances of beating me for my title are your abilities as a father”. Hornswoggle gives it back and Swagger piefaces him. Cue Finlay beating the crap out of Swagger. Look, I’m sure Finlay vs. Swagger will be a great match, the first one was. But this was depressing in every possible way. Overall Analysis: Look, I promised at the beginning that Hornswoggle in main event interview = automatic F. I was kidding, but on further review I have no reason NOT to give this show an F. Dreamer-Henry was actually fun, but we only had two matches, only ten minutes of ring time, and no Miz and Morrison, so no Ackbar either. This was not quality television, and the leprechaun coming in to muck up Swagga’s fresh reign with lots of storyline possibilities is a horrible, horrible thing. Overall Show Grade: F Overall Show Grade Leprechaun-Free: C-